The Nation

For years now, New Zealand has gotten away with presenting itself as a peaceful, loveable nation of humble hippie types and farmers on the periphery of the world stage.

But there is a darker secret lying beneath that long white cloud...

A world of kill-crazy farmers and toothless renegades, a world of danger and mystery only hinted at by news reports of the vampire attacks, assaults on cyclists and dog face tattoos.

NZ reality is, in fact, far too scary to face head-on (it might be carrying a machete), so I prefer to live in a happy-go-lucky world of talking kereru and limitless flat whites.

If you want grim reality - click here. Or here.

If you want light-hearted adventure and good-natured Pacific mockery, click here for Chapter One of Thieves of the South Island. 

Go on. You know it makes sense.

PS

I don't want poor little NZ to feel too picked on here, so just to point out quickly that Poms are stuck up, backward-looking colonials who put too many 'oo's in the word 'boogie'...and who have their own bogan moments too.

And as for the Aussies...well, what kind of nation claims their neighbour's world cup triumphs for their own???