Part 9 - Shame of the Kiwis

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Back in Sydney, Hemi and Stu woke up with a start when the door to the store cupboard banged open.

‘Huh? What? Eh?’ Hemi reached up and realised there was a hat on his head, with corks hanging from the brim by strings.

Stu laughed. ‘Found it under the sofa. Put it on you for a joke,’ he said sleepily.

‘Well, I for one don’t find it funny,’ said a voice sharply.

‘Chief Kiwi!’ The boys jumped to their feet and stood up very straight. Stu discreetly wiped the crumbs of kangaroo-shaped potato chips from around his mouth.

‘Have you used your Kiwi ingenuity to make a South Island catcher?’ The Chief Kiwi asked.

‘Ah…’

‘See…’

‘What happened was…we started watching these DVD’s for research…’

‘We needed some brain food…’

‘And some drink to wash it down with…’

‘And,’ the Chief Kiwi finished for them, ‘you ended up lounging around, drinking tinnies, watching TV, stuffing your faces, like a couple of…a couple of…AUSSIES!’

Hemi looked down at the hat in his hands.

The Chief Kiwi cocked her head and listened to a distinctive hum in the air.

‘Is that air conditioning?’ she growled.

Stu looked at his feet.

‘I think you boys have a lot of explaining to do. Come on. Your brothers and sisters are waiting. You’ve really let them down.’

Stu and Hemi hung their heads as they followed the Chief Kiwi out of Sydney.

*

The Kiwi nation gathered on Bondi Beach once more. It was a bit intimate, squeezing four million of them together on the sand, but everyone was good mates and what’s the big deal about cuddling up when you’re one huge happy family?

‘Kiwis, I have sad news,’ said the Chief Kiwi. ‘Two of our brothers have let us down. Slacking off when they should have been demonstrating Kiwi ingenuity. Wasting energy on air conditioning – ’ a quiet gasp of horror passed through the crowd – ‘and generally acting like Aussies.’

The crowd gave a low boo.

‘Why they didn’t put a clause in te Tiriti about not acting like Aussies I’ll never know,’ The Chief Kiwi said under her breath.

‘Now, Hemi and Stu have agreed to show their good faith by apologising and – ’

The Chief Kiwi was interrupted by a shout.

‘Look!’

‘Over there!’

‘Out at sea!’

‘Is it Granny K?’

‘Is it Grandpa K?’

‘No! It’s the island of Fiji!’

‘THIS IS THE PACIFIC POLICE,’ said a voice through a loudhailer. ‘CHIEF KIWI, YOU MUST SURRENDER AND COME WITH US. YOU ARE UNDER ARREST.’